ORDER ONLY: Private Message to Snape
Jan. 31st, 2015 12:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_frankthis is
it's not easy to admit
didn't want this to be long term. thought I'd have more bloody will power than that. looks like it'll have to be. more than a month, any road.
bloody fucking hell.
managed to keep my head straight even when I lost my magic. figured that'd mean this thing was behind me for good. and by god, I did it. by the skin of my fucking teeth. she was strong enough for the two of us.
right now we're both just trying not to drown
she needs me just as much as I need her, and I can't drag her down with me.
sorted out that I'd been counting down the days til I'd be done with this last round of potions. if I pick up that bottle, and fuck, I want to
I need to
don't think I realised just how much
it'd
I'd rather cut off my hands than cause her any more pain.
you said to tell you by mid month. bit late for that.
figure it'll be a rough go til you get the next round ready.
my own damn fault.
it's not easy to admit
didn't want this to be long term. thought I'd have more bloody will power than that. looks like it'll have to be. more than a month, any road.
bloody fucking hell.
managed to keep my head straight even when I lost my magic. figured that'd mean this thing was behind me for good. and by god, I did it. by the skin of my fucking teeth. she was strong enough for the two of us.
right now we're both just trying not to drown
she needs me just as much as I need her, and I can't drag her down with me.
sorted out that I'd been counting down the days til I'd be done with this last round of potions. if I pick up that bottle, and fuck, I want to
I need to
don't think I realised just how much
it'd
I'd rather cut off my hands than cause her any more pain.
you said to tell you by mid month. bit late for that.
figure it'll be a rough go til you get the next round ready.
my own damn fault.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-01 01:57 am (UTC)You do not need to justify yourself to me, nor do you need to make excuses. I am not your conscience; I am your potions master. Were I to judge you for weakness I would be more hypocrite than not, and hypocrisy is one vice I attempt to avoid. Do not berate yourself. The Contravinum is not a crutch; it is a tool. There is no shame in undertaking an honest self-assessment of your state, recognising a deficiency, and acting to shore up that deficency with external support.
I am pleased that I can be of assistance; I am only sorry I cannot be more.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-01 02:02 am (UTC)that's
right.
thank you.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-01 02:09 am (UTC)And if you are in need of someone to listen, as well as someone to dispense potions, I will volunteer. While I cannot pretend I am at all competent at providing emotional support, you can at least be assured that anything you tell me, I will take to the grave.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-01 05:36 am (UTC)she tends to do most of the talking, mind.
still.
might take you up on it sometime.